Back to the Bad Ole Days

 What the hell Rona? 

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water the beast known as "The Rona" shows it's ugly head again. Here's the thing, as an "elder" (that's what my grandson used to call me), I'm scared of crap that never used to frighten me. Here's an example: I see a guy walking in my neighborhood with a saw, I don't think "Oh, he's here to trim my palm trees" I think of these guys. 

Back in the day, a hurricane was an opportunity to batten down the hatches and throw back a cocktail or two. Now I'm petrified that a tree will fall on my house and kill me. I'm afraid to drive without a seat belt, ride a bike without a helmet, drink water from the hose, or walk anywhere outside of my senior community alone. Some might say, that's part of our changing society so get used to the terror that surrounds us. However I suspect when we were young and bullet proof, we never considered consequences. There are several phrases my mom used every day. The first was when she woke us in the morning, "Rise and Shine Put your Feet on the Floor and See Where your Head Goes." HUH? She thought that was such a clever saying and asked me one day if I tell all my friends how she wakes me in the morning. "Sorry Mom, that's our secret." Other sayings, don't cross your eyes they'll stay that way, wait 30 minutes before swimming after lunch, and if you swallow that gum it will stay in your stomach for 7 years. I think her favorite phrase was, "Why don't you kids go outside to play?" I don't know what she thought we were doing outside but I suspect if she knew the truth we'd be grounded and never allowed outside again. 

On one walk about a mile from our house on busy Park Blvd. (in Pinellas Park where I grew up), my friend and I saw a naked man on the median running in circles and saying "I'm Jesus, bow down before me." The police finally subdued him and placed him under arrest, meanwhile we were yelling, "Prove it, walk on water or something." That was my first sighting of a man without clothes and I thought how ugly. It must be terrible to be male and have that ugly appendage attached to you. We dug tunnels and played under the earth until the day that we heard on the news that a tunnel collapsed on some kids and one died. We rode our bike over home made ramps in the street. As a matter of fact most of our games were played in the street, kick ball, baseball, etc. I remember one very upset driver that threatened to call the police, my friend told him to "go suck and egg." What the hell does that mean anyway? I've wondered for years.

Chris Pratt, my hall pass.

We used to swim in a body of water that we called the "pits," I think it was man made but I don't know for what purpose. I'm not a good swimmer but I never let that stop me. One day while trying to swim across this "lake" I went into distress and started panicking and flailing like a dying fish in Red Tide. One of my friends said, "Quit pretending you're drowning," which made me panic more, fortunately my best friend came and pulled me to shore. Now you may think growing up in Florida and swimming in any lake is insane, it is! But we had a protector, the alligator whisperer. 

She would perform all of these nonsensical rituals to prevent them from approaching. What can I say, I was 10 and believed in her magical powers. Anyway I survived and went from the brave young girl into this cowering piece of elder flesh. 👵

The older I get the more afraid I am, or maybe I'm more afraid the closer I get to the end of my journey. I'm afraid that every semi on the interstate is going to hit me, that someone is going to grab my purse and run, every spider I see is a black widow, the Rona is attached to every door handle I touch and Chris Harrison will never come back to The Bachelor or worse all of my favorite reality shows will become pay per view, that terrorizes me. 

So readers it's back to the mask, 

the social distancing

 and the hand washing. 

Take care my friends, be courageous.