Laughter in the Time of Isolation

Life in the Pandemic according to Blanka Dear Readers of Mommy's Blog:  When this lockdown started in March, I was so happy. I had mom all to myself without her leaving me home everyday. She talked so sweetly, "Telling me that she didn't know what she would do without me. We went on walks and she fed me delicious food. Every night I got a little bit of people food. A bite or two of steak, a wedge of cheese, leftover chicken, etc. My favorites were pizza and cheeseburgers. Everything was going swimmingly until she stepped on a square white thing in the bathroom on the floor. She cried, "No, that can't be right. I can't weigh this much." I had no idea what the white thing was but I was immediately scared to stand on it.  Mom changed her behavior and our habits after that. We started going on long walks. I mean L-O-N-G walks, she'd call out numbers after looking at the thing she wears strapped to her wrist and smile. I soon came to know that the number 1...

"Memories light the corner of my mind" Dear Readers: I'm having a bit of a problem coming up with new material. I thought you might get a laugh from some of the men in my life. Let's start with dear old dad, may he rest in peace. One of my very first memories: I was 4 years old and my family was sitting at the dinner table we were waiting for dessert. My mom was not the best cook but boy could she cut a watermelon. I remember how sweet and sticky it was, love at first bite. I accidentally swallowed a seed, naturally I told daddy and asked him if it was okay. My dad was a natural comedian and he told me, "Oh no, if you don't poop out that seed, watermelon vines are going to grow out of your ears." Of course I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet straining to poop out the seed. After a couple of minutes my mom heard me crying and came to my rescue, she found me on a stool, looking in the mirror for the vines. "Daddy was just kidding you." Me...

  Finding the real me A few days ago a friend recommended that I read the Harry Potter series. Me: "I don't like that magic stuff." She: "This is different, yes there is magic but the story is wonderful and it's very easy to read." I think this friend was trying to tell me something. She saw my magical abilities and wanted me to recognize that I'm special. I read the first book and then I started making some connections. A few days ago my ice maker stopped working. I opened the phone book to call a repairman when the freezer make a "kerplunk" sound so I opened the door and sure enough there was the first ice I'd had in 3 days. A coincident? Maybe, but not the first one. I recalled the day I was walking the dog and we saw a large black snake. Blanka barked at it, I jumped and the snake just slithered off out of sight. That snake knew not to bother us, it's Spidey senses realized I meant business. Then there's the time that I went to ...

  Dear God, Supreme Beings and Mother Nature I'm sorry! Whatever I did to piss you off at the whole world I'd like to apologize and start over.  In no particular order I'd like to list my transgressions and ask for absolution, forgiveness, a do over, or a mulligan (for the God of Golf).  Just know that I'm so sorry and feel so guilty that the world is being punished because of my stupidity. 1. I'm sorry that last week when my recycling bin was full, I threw away the milk jug in the trash instead of saving it for the next pickup of recyclable materials. It was selfish but very convenient, I should of known better. 2. I apologize for not always giving my change to the bell ringer at Publix every Christmas. Let me explain, that damn bell is annoying; I don't like to get close to it so I stay as far away as possible. If that excuse isn't good enough, I also heard that enabling the poor will only make them poorer.  Sorry God, I didn't mean to say that. Publix...