Those were the days

"Memories light the corner of my mind"

Dear Readers: I'm having a bit of a problem coming up with new material. I thought you might get a laugh from some of the men in my life. Let's start with dear old dad, may he rest in peace.

One of my very first memories: I was 4 years old and my family was sitting at the dinner table we were waiting for dessert. My mom was not the best cook but boy could she cut a watermelon. I remember how sweet and sticky it was, love at first bite. I accidentally swallowed a seed, naturally I told daddy and asked him if it was okay. My dad was a natural comedian and he told me, "Oh no, if you don't poop out that seed, watermelon vines are going to grow out of your ears." Of course I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet straining to poop out the seed. After a couple of minutes my mom heard me crying and came to my rescue, she found me on a stool, looking in the mirror for the vines. "Daddy was just kidding you." Me: "Well if it doesn't come out of my ears where will the vines grow?" Mom explained and the watermelon seed was my first botany lesson.

We moved to downtown St. Petersburg when I was 5 or so. My grandparents rented an apartment downstairs and we moved in the apartment above them. My grandmother loved cats, I can't remember her without one, unfortunately none of her cats liked children. In fact, she had stuffed cats on her bed and one on the back of the sofa. I loved to go to grandma's and pull that stuffed kitty off the back of the couch and pet it and pretend it was real and my very own pet. One day my mom and grandma were in the kitchen, my sisters, dad and grandpa were in the living room. I pulled down the cat and stroked it's back and hugged and kissed her. I looked up at my dad and said, "Daddy, do you like pussies?" As you can imagine my dad and grandpa lost it. They were laughing so hard they were bending over. Dad said, "Yes honey, I like pussies and so does grandpa." I knew something wasn't right here. I questioned him about why he was laughing so hard and did pussy mean something else. He could tell I was about to cry so he hugged me and assured me that he loved pussy cats and he was sorry he laughed at me. I knew something wasn't right and years later I finally got the joke.

About the same time my dad and grandpa loved to go fishing in Tampa bay, I adored and idolized them both and would always want to go with them. So one Saturday we get ready and off we go to the waterfront. Mom made us a lunch and we had just sat down to cast underneath a bridge for the shade. A black man approached and sat down at the other end of the bridge. I remember him being very nice and he and dad talked about fish and other man speak. Coming recently from a farm in Illinois I had no experience with skin color. So I loudly asked my dad, "Daddy, why doesn't the sun shine on that man?" The man broke out laughing and my dad turned every shade of red. Dad knew I wouldn't let it go until he answered my question so I got my first lesson of race relations. 

Everyone of my friends loved my dad, he was the neighborhood's Dick Van Dyke in a sea of Mr. Wilson's. One summer afternoon when all the rage was a slip n slide my dad made one for me and the other kids out of some plastic cloth he had. It was a wonderful day we ate soggy cookies and drank grape Kool-aid that my mom brought us. My dad was sitting outside watching us have fun. I told one of my friends that I was going to dump a glass of ice water on his head. She couldn't believe it, "won't you get in big trouble?" As the kids watched I came up from behind and poured the water over his head. He laughed and chased me pretending to be mad. He told me that he'd get even one day when I didn't expect it. A couple of weeks later my mom woke me to get ready for school. I filled my bowl with corn flakes and added two tablespoons of sugar. Yuck! Eww! It was awful, my mom told me that dad had replaced the sugar in the sugar bowl with salt before he went to work that morning. 

My dad's sense of humor was legendary in the neighborhood, he loved to embarrass me, he told my friends that my feet were so big that I was going to just start wearing the boxes on my feet. One day he had a serious conversation with me about kidnapping (I thought it was serious) then told me that I didn't have to worry because in the morning when it got light the kidnappers would return me. Dad loved to invite two of my older teenaged girlfriends over to watch Ed Sullivan, he got such a kick out of them screaming and crying for the Beatles. One night he came out of his bedroom in a shaggy wig and started serenading us. 

I wasn't the only one he terrorized. I remember the 5 (mom, dad and my 2 sisters) of us grocery shopping. I don't remember what my dad had done to my mom but she was hell bent on pay back. Dad picked up a six pack of beer and put it in the cart. My mom said quite loudly, "Roy we don't have enough money to feed our family and you're buying beer? The kids are tired of putting water on their cereal." Everyone was looking at us. Dad put back the beer, slinked out of the store and waited for us in the car. When we got finished and loaded the groceries, he looked over and said, "Good one Joy."

Fast forward to my father-in-law (Paul). He was born and raised in a little town in Florida. He reminded me of Andy Griffith with many sayings and a lot of southern charm. We would go camping and fishing with Paul and June (MIL). On our way to the camp site, he saw a new pick up truck pulling a big motor boat. He said, "Wow! If I had that guys rig and he had a feather up his ass we'd both be tickled." 

When my daughter was about two, we were in the car with the in laws and June was driving Paul would tell my daughter, "Hold on to your britches Granny is driving." She would sit down and hold on to her pants until we got where we were going. On a side note, I tried that on her daughter when she was that age. Gaby looked at me and said, "Grandma, what are britches?"

Live is so short! May we have all the love and laughter that we deserve.