My true love

Written April 10, 2020

Last night on my third glass of wine I got hungry and ate a whole bag of chips. You may be wondering how they came to be in my house? On my last trip to the grocery store I had a conversation with a bag of Lay's. I told that bag that I would buy it but I was only going to eat 15 chips a day. The bag agreed and promised me that it would self isolate after the first 15 chips and then not open for 24 hours. That bastard lied. Not only did it not close, it kept whispering in my ear to eat more, more, more. Never trust a bag of chips my friends.

You may also be wondering how it is that I can drink a whole bottle of wine most nights. When I get lonely and Blanka can't fill the void, I can have a great conversation with a bottle of wine. It goes something like this, "Good evening my love, I've been waiting all day for you." The wine shows me his beautiful legs running down the side of my glass. I close my eyes and take that first sip, he did not disappoint. As I sit in my easy chair after a long hard day of doing nothing, he waits for me with his ruby redness. After the first glass, my heart desires more of his full body characteristics, so I refill my glass with his richness. I tell myself that he's only good in small amounts but I am addicted to him, the more that I indulge the more of him I desire. "Oh Mr. Cabernet, I'm in love with you and if you do not return my desires I do not care. I need you in my life and I'll take this relationship on your terms." Usually about this time he tells me that I'm free to have other food or drink in my life, we are not in an exclusive relationship. At that moment the bag of chips came into the middle of my love affair and I had a three way. I wish I could say this was the first time, but I've had many 3 ways lately; cheese, peanut butter on a spoon, chocolate covered almonds and many more. The only way to stop this madness is to stumble my way to bed and dream of seeing my love the next evening.

I feel so much better confessing my sins to my friends and I hope you don't think less of me. While you hold tight to your husbands do not worry about me for I have my own true love. 

🍷🍾🧀

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