Another day in paradise.
No more handshakes but milkshakes are fine.
1. No more handshakes, no hugging, no random kisses, no one night stands, no dancing naked at the dive bar. The new definition of "Hooking Up" is putting a car on the back of the RV for a vacation in the wilderness.
2. It's always Halloween, you can have a new creative mask every day of the week.
3. All grandma activities are either gone or moved online. Bridge, bingo, slot machines. We aren't allowed outside without getting the third degree from children and grandchildren. "Hi Grandma, what did you do today?" Me: "I opened and closed my front door 20 times, just to look at the street." She: "Were you social distancing?" Me: "No, I was within 6 feet of a lizard, a squirrel, a sand hill crane and a cockroach." She: "Grandma you know what I mean. This isn't a time for your jokes." Me: "Honey if this isn't a time for jokes, when is?" She: "Grandma, are you wearing masks when you go out?" Me: "Yep, and I feel and look like a gangster. Here's a picture of me at Publix."
4. Time has no meaning anymore. Bed time is whenever I'm tired or I run out of wine. Nap time is no longer a luxury it's turned into a requirement. I've become a triathlete: Nap, Netflix and Food.
5. Personal hygiene is still important and I try to wash my nightgowns every few days. I'm saving money on mouthwash, cause I always have on the mask in public. Shaving anything is now optional. I can live with my underarm hair just fine. I bet you Martha Washington never shaved.
6. Who cares about Tom Brady and the Bucs? By the time the world gets back to normal Brady will be collecting social security and Jamies Winston will be the league MVP for the Saints.
7. On the bright side, our kids are stuck inside with teenagers, not us. I can only imagine the chaos. If I wasn't self isolating I'd leave my life of leisure and go help them. Ha!
And lastly, remember the best way to keep from touching your face is holding two glasses of wine.
My nephews daughter (age 11) was searching for a new show to binge watch. She was very excited when she found the Simpsons there are 30 years worth of watching! OMG let's hope not lol
ReplyDeleteHow true to life you captured grandparent/Covid life in a very entertaining, humorous way.
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff!
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