Traveling the world!

Life is a Journey unless you can't go anywhere.

I've been canceling vacations faster than Ryan Seacrest finds new jobs. I've always loved the Men's Club Cruise held in the fall but I've canceled this year due to the damn virus. For my family that's not aware of what the Men's Club Cruise is, I assure you it's not a cruise to pick up men,although that might be even more fun. It's a yearly cruise sponsored by the Men's Club of Sun City to benefit the community. I was going on an European vacation with my family in Alaska in June. It's been postponed to June 2021. In September I'm supposed to go Virginia with friends and then stay with grandchildren while their mother goes to Seattle. It's not cancelled yet so there is still hope. In order to keep my spirits up and satisfy my sense of adventure I've come up with:

"Traveling in Sun City Center."

I pretend that Walmart is a resort on the Mexican Riviera. I enter the store in my bathing suit with a colorful beach wrap and flip flops. I walk through the ethnic food section and buy taco sauce, refried beans and tortillas for dinner tonight. When I hear anyone speaking Spanish, I pretend they are asking me if I'd like a massage down by the lake behind the store. If it's two men speaking I pretend they are arguing with each other to decide who gets to ask me on a date. As I strut through the store I call out, "Hola Amigos!" I like to make friends in all the foreign countries I visit. At the checkout when I'm asked if I found everything I was looking for I say, "No, I didn't find a bartender making margaritas, which aisle is that on." On my way out to the car I get out the bag of Mexican candy I bought and pretend I'm on Playa del Carmen on October 31st and the children are trick or treating. I start tossing candy to all the kids and then do the queens wave  as I enter my royal Toyota and head home.

A trip to Aldi can be a lovely German vacation. I dress in my sexiest Dirdnl, and when entering the store I picture walking through the Brandenburg Gate. The front door automatically opens for me, I'm sure there is a camera that catches my photo and presses the button. Germany is to beer what France is to wine, it's the best! so I fill up my cart and move to the sausage and pretzels. There are more flavors of sauerkraut than Dannon has yogurt cups. I've got enough to eat for a couple weeks. I'm generally disappointed that most people don't respond to me when I say "Guten Tag." However, once someone pointed me over to the Gluten Free aisle. I pretend they are all tourists since none of them are in Lederhosen. I find my Black Forest Cake and head to the checkout. I find that there are many tourists from Mexico in the store, so on the way out I yell, "Auf Wiedersehen, Adios and Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall."

After too many Weissbiers on the way home from Aldi.

One of my favorite adventures is traveling to France via. Tarjay. First I iron my cancan dress and put my hair up with feathers. Next comes the nylons with the garters, then I'm ready to go. Walking in the store I greet the peasants with "Bon Jour." Sometimes I imitate Marie Antionette and say, "There is no bread, let them eat cake." When in Aldi you buy beer, when in Tarjay you buy the fine French wine. I find what I'm looking for an exclusive La Vieille Ferme Red Cotes - 750 ml bottle on sale for $8.99. I buy two bottles then I'm off to find my other French obsessions. Two boxes of French toast and a bag of French fries. I made the mistake of answering someone asking where the bathroom was with "Oui, Oui." They told me it was none of my business what they were going to do in the bathroom. Onward to the bakery for some macroons, croissants and eclairs. On the way to the checkout line I swear I saw the Mona Lisa smiling at me. 

In a week I've been to Mexico, Germany and France. I should probably make a trip to Italy soon so this doesn't happen.

Stay well my beloved friends and family. I miss you.