Watching my neighbors

Trash and Recycling Bins Reveal the Truth

Every day I take my sidekick on a walk through the neighborhood. She thinks it's an opportunity to sniff, pee and poop and yes she's a dog; Sue Batt is too dignified to let me walk her. I haven't revealed the truth until now, allowing Blanka to do her business is one thing but I like to spy on trash and recycling days. As I walk my side kick I take a peak in the recycling bins. I must not reveal names to protect the innocent, but a few doors away there is a household that's on a first name basis with Johnny Walker. I used to wonder why he stood on his driveway in his underwear and sang Auld Lang Syne to the blue recycling truck. It was not only a tribute to Rabbie Burns but honoring the barley that gave it's life to become his best friend. 

Then a few doors down is a widow that has an affinity for Vodka. She's not brand loyal and I think she might be an art collector, since most of the bottles are from Van Gogh. I could be wrong maybe she's an astronomer, there's also many Skky bottles. 

One of my drinks of choice

Most of the other imbibers are beer and wine drinkers. Beer manufacturers have the best names but wine is not far behind. Across the street and a few doors down my neighbor must belong to the beer of the month club. I rarely see the same name twice, some of the best: Blithering Idiot, Moose Drool, Arrogant Bastard, and Hops and Robbers. Not to be outdone the wine drinker across the street has empty bottles of Four Play, Mommy's Time Out, and Old Bitch. 

I also find plenty of other interesting things on recycle day. The guy that drinks Blithering Idiot just got a new 72' television. I hope we get a football season because he'll be pretty pissed otherwise. I've found some plain paper wrappings. I'm sure some of the fellas are getting Viagra by mail; hey, what else is there to do when self isolating? It's a good thing this is a retirement community or we'd have record births in January.

Interesting facts about people that put out lawn clippings for pick up on Saturday. 1. None of them are fat? Trimming trees and bushes must be good exercise, or else they gave up real food and are eating the clippings. 2. They aren't the most fashion forward. The hats don't match the shoes, the men are topless, and the women covered everywhere to prevent sun damage. 3. They're cheap! Why would you do that when $50.00 a month someone else will do it for you. You can't spend that money on going out to dinner and the movies anymore.

Since it's been mentioned, men your bare chest is not attractive. The only time you should be without a shirt is in your home, or at the nude beach. Here's what you think you look like. 

 and here's the truth 

If you want to be sexy, do the dishes and take out mommy's wine bottles to be recycled.