Feeling Thankful

Time To Get Your Turkey On

Can you believe it's almost the holidays? I can, this has been the longest year I've ever lived through! 2020 - the year Karma took a dump on the world. Last December 31st when I feel asleep at the stroke of 10:00 little did I expect what the new year had in store for us mere mortals. I saw a social media post the other day that made me stop and think (I know you're not used to that activity from me), it said: "When you feel lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut, stop to think about Anne Frank. She was in hiding in a small attic for 2 years, constantly in fear of being discovered by the Nazi's." Her story ended tragically and still makes me emotional. Well damn, what am I complaining about? Being in isolation with plenty of food, toilet paper and the internet doesn't seem so tough does it? I can even scream without worrying about being sent to a death camp. However, the neighbors could send me to the asylum. Anyway this started me thinking about how lucky I am and all the good things that have happened since the lockdown.

1. No more Jehovah's Witnesses at my front door. When they ask me if I've found Jesus I always tell them that I didn't even know he was missing. One day I told them to wait for me while I put on my shoes and I'd go looking for him with them. Another time I asked for their address and when they would be available for me to go visit their home and preach my religion. 

2. No more touching. You have huggers, touchers, kissers and nodders. I'm proudly a member of the last category. If I haven't married you, birthed you or count you as one of my very close friends my go to greeting is the nod. Sometimes when I feel really good you might get a wave. As you can imagine, this behavior has gotten me in trouble more than once. Like the time I kicked the Gynecologist, then there's the time I bit the dentist and body slammed the hair dresser after when she got too close to my cheek with the curling iron. My personal space is just that - MINE. I've been told I seem cold, distant and uncaring. That couldn't be farther from the truth, as long as your lips or arms don't touch me I'm warm and fuzzy. I may need that therapist after all.

3. No torture devices like a bra. Ladies, am I right? Going the whole day without a bra must be like a man going commando. You've got the sports bra, only needed if you're going jogging or challenge your neighbor to a boxing match. You've got the pushup which is mainly used if you're going to the club now all of the discos are closed. The most torturous is the underwire, you must have a very high pain threshold to wear it. I imagine these are the women who had natural child birth. I seriously don't know if I can go back to the days of bras. I'm going to form a club called: "Let the boobies breathe." E-mail if you want to join. 

4. Morning naps, afternoon naps, evening naps. My bed feels so much better in the afternoon. Every time I want to nap all I have to do is read a book. Of course it helps that I always read in a reclined position. I also have the best dreams in the day time. I've dreamt that my friends and I robbed a bank and got away with millions. We tied the tellers hands with crocheted scarfs and left behind homemade chicken soup to calm their nerves. We were kind thieves. In another dream I was the lead singer in a girl band, my best friend was Lady Gaga and she introduced me to Bradley Cooper (oh la la). I've also had one or two nightmares, the worst was when I was on "Let's Make a Deal" and I had to choose among three curtains, I picked number one and behind the curtain was my ex husband. 

5. No Waldorf salad for Thanksgiving dinner. Every year my mom used to bring Waldorf salad for the big day. The rest of my family hated the marshmallow, apple, raisin and celery bits mixed with mayo. Why? Who came up with this? I guess they didn't have family members that told the truth either. I didn't say anything but I wondered if she realized she was taking home as much salad as she brought. FYI - if she could bring over a bowl of that disgusting mess today I'd eat it all and lick the bowl. 

Wishing you all a happy healthy holiday but more importantly I hope your football team win.